Who Will Marry You if Your Officiant is Sick?

On Saturday, I got a call from a groom. Could I officiate at their wedding the very next day? Their officiant was sick with the flu — and had no back up.

A bride asked me today on the phone, “So, who will marry us if you get sick, if you are not available?”

Another wedding minister told me he has gotten a rash of calls recently from brides where the officiant — a relative like an uncle, even a priest — said they could no longer officiate at their wedding this summer.

What would you do?

Well, I have a team of 5 ministers I refer weddings to when I am already booked. They also can back me up, if I got sick. Because I work off a script — approved in advance by most couples — they would do exactly what was planned. They don’t have to guess what vows or readings you want. They would share the couple’s love story just as written. It would cost you nothing (I would pay them for their time.)

Thanks be to God in over 6 years of doing weddings full-time, I have never missed a wedding — ever.

As for Sunday’s wedding? I was available to do the wedding at the beautiful Galleria Marchetti in Chicago. I thank them for giving the groom my info. It went very well.

The Pain of Losing a Spouse is Singular

When we marry “till death do us part,” do we really expect to be parted by death? I know several women who lost their husbands after relatively brief marriages, forcing them to raise young children on their own. I thought I could imagine their pain and anger at the unfairness of it all. But I also knew they could not afford to wallow in grief, if for no other reason than that their children needed them to be emotionally intact.

But after the children have moved away and have children of their own, a spouse’s death leaves an emptiness that is hard to fill. There’s no one in the house with whom to share the events of the day, discuss the broken pipes and rotten politics, relish the antics and achievements of the grandchildren.

So writes New York Times Wellness columnist Jane Brody in a touching tribute about her husband. The column she wrote is very much worth reading.

It reminds me of that amazing, wordless 4 minute montage in the Oscar-winning Pixar movie Up. That scene shows the couple getting married and going through the ups and downs of marriage ending in the wife’s death. I can not see that sequence without tearing up.

I have been married almost 26 years. I can’t imagine life without Pam. Because of our work schedules — she works a normal 9-5 type job, I am out so many evenings and weekends with weddings — we don’t see as much of each other as many couples. But to know that we will be together for our “Friday evening” — an evening together to reconnect, share about life, share food and wine — even if ends up being on Sunday evening is priceless.

May we all aspire to long marriages of contentment and joy. (Oh, trust me, there will be plenty of challenges and disagreements along the way.) But let’s honor our vows — “as long as we both shall live.”

Vows: “For better, for better”

Ryan, please share these vows and truths to Christina, repeating each phrase after me.

He repeated after me the lines of the standard vows:

• “To have and to hold,”
• “From this day forward”

Then, he changed it:

• I said, “For better, for worse”
• He said, “For better, for better”

Then he laughed. So did the bride. And the guests. Then he did it ‘right’.

We all want to have our married life be only “better and better.” But the whole point of vows is to say that, even when it’s not, when it is “for worse” I’ll be right there with you. Secretly, we wish that more for our spouse — that they will be there for me when I am going through tough times. After 25 years of marriage, I know that it goes both ways.

This happened aboard Odyssey Cruise at Navy Pier in Chicago. The ceremony is on the top deck while docked at Navy Pier — so that the only people on board are there for the wedding. The reception occurs while the boat is cruising Lake Michigan with magnificent views of Chicago.