They Met When Her Boss Chews Him Out

How did Cathy and Howard  meet?

It was July of 2007. They met at the test kitchen at McDonald’s in Oak Brook.

The topic of the meeting was for Cathy’s boss, Dorothy, to yell at Howard and the VP of Operations at Tyson Chicken regarding the development of Chicken Selects for McDonald’s.

The two men — Howard and his boss — fly from Arkansas to Oak Brook on one day’s notice. It’s 90 minutes — 130 miles — just to get to the airport in Arkansas.

They get to the meeting. Cathy is there, on time. Dorothy is not.

Cathy feels like she looks “crappy” in a lab coat — she had been measuring and weighing Chicken Selects all day. Howard had just gotten back from a cross-country motorcycle trip — he has a beard and Tyson khaki’s. HER 1^st impression — she thought he worked at Jiffy Lube. HIS 1^st impression — thought she looked fantastic.

As she takes Howard and his boss down to the conference room, she tells them that Dorothy will not be there — she hurt her back. So, Howard and his boss get chewed out via SPEAKERPHONE. And for that, they flew into Chicago.

Cathy says to Howard, “It’s like I’ve met you before. He responds, “Hmmmmpf.” He just wants to hop an airplane and get home.

2 weeks later, they meet “at a place called Hope” — Hope, Arkansas. It’s July. It’s hot — 115 degrees. Dorothy drags Cathy there. Howard comes in late. She ignores him.

2 months later. He waves up to her from the lobby. SHE says she did not see him — she IS on the 3^rd floor. HE thinks she is ignoring him. He shares a choice word about her to a colleague.

A month later. It’s Nugget Certification. They both eat — well, chew and spit — 40 nuggets for 2 days. It’s “disgusting”. He comes in after everyone else is seated.

The woman running the show makes him sit in front — at the same table as Cathy.

These two interact — they have similar palates, tasting things the same way.

Cathy asks Howard, “So, what are you doing this evening?” He says, “We’re going for cocktails at our hotel — because it’s free.” He thinks she is inviting herself. He makes it official by asking her. Although she was NOT a guest at the hotel — she drank for free. He asks if she wants to go to dinner. She suggests they go to Baisai Thai. She is full — from those 40 nuggets.

The next day, she joins them for free cocktails, again. They go for sushi — no  chicken — with 8 others. Dinner is free for her — Howard expenses it. She has never laughed so hard in her life. They find out they have a lot in common. The evening ends — with an exchange of phone numbers.

For months, they talk — on the phone and at meetings.

New Year’s Eve 2008 (into 2009). They are at his apartment across the river from New York City  They have their first kiss. They’ve been dating ever since.

How did Howard propose to Cathy?

She knows it’s coming — they had looked at rings — but not when.

He tells her he has never been to Sears Tower. “I don’t want to go downtown,” she says. “Too bad, I want to go to Sears Tower.” They get there. He finds out it costs $15 to go up to the observation deck. He hesitates. “How much?! For an elevator ride?!” He is mad he has to pay for parking. Cathy says, “Just give them the money.”

He takes a long time to figure out where to propose. He is nervous. She does NOT notice. It is kind of foggy.

Eventually, he gets down on one knee. “Get up!”, she says. “What are you doing?” She thinks he dropped something. He has the ring in his hand — hidden. “You make me the happiest man in the world.” His voice is quivering.“Will you marry me?” She says “Yes.” THEN, he opens up his hand, shows her the ring and puts on her. That he had a ring — and such a nice one — was a surprise to her, considering his earlier comments about parking and the ‘elevator ride’.

Rev. Phil told this story to the couple’s guests at their wedding at Grotto’s in Oak Brook. Dorothy, the boss, was there. All the guests, including her, roared with laughter. The reception was at Grotto’s, too. The food was very good, the service even better.

4 Financial Issues Every Engaged Couple Ought to Talk About (NY Times)

“Success in marriage is only partly attributable to compatibility. It’s about how you manage those differences and whether you have a style for doing so that is successful,” says Gregory A. Kuhlman, a New York City psychologist who runs marriage success training programs with his wife, Patricia Schell Kuhlman

What follows is a list of four financial issues that ought to be near the top of the discussion list before getting married, according to the New York Times’ “Your Money” writer Ron Lieber.

1. ANCESTRY — “It’s looking back at your own personal past,” says Lisa J. B. Peterson, owner of a Bostton-based financial planning firm. “How did your parents deal with money, how does that impact how you deal with it, and how might that impact the couple’s relationship?”
2. CREDIT – While it’s about the least romantic subject imaginable, your credit history holds a chunk of your permanent financial record.  Full disclosure on the credit front is useful for two reasons. Read the article.
3. CONTROL — Figuring out who will pay the bills each month may not seem to be an important conversation or assignment. But it gets tricky when both people want to take it on. “People understand that in a relationship, money is control,” says Jeff Kostis, a financial planner in Vernon Hills, IL.
4. AFFLUENCE — Here’s another question that tends not to come up during courtship: Just how rich do we want to be one day? Gregory A. Kuhlman, a New York City psychologist, refers to this more politely as the “desired level of affluence.”

Read the entire article — the first in a series. Read the second part on my blog.

He Played Hard-to-Get for 3 Years — Without Knowing It!

Ryan and Becca met in 2004 at pharmacy school in Chicagoland. It was the spring of their first year. A group of 10 pharmacy students go to Features, a bar in Naperville. Becca is with the matron of honor and two bridesmaids. Ryan is there with a friend.

These two had seen each other at school — it’s a class of 200 —and formally introduce each other.

• HER 1^st impression — he’s handsome, she had had a crush on him.
• HIS 1^st impression — happy she was talking to him; she’s gorgeous, out of his league.

They sit together and get to talking. She hopes he will offer to drive her home. He does NOT. He is too shy.

They’re in the same class with 198 other people. They sit on opposite sides of the auditorium. They do NOT talk to each other.

A month later, he tails her closely in the parking lot. She is going too slow. A bridesmaid comes up with a name for Ryan — “frenemy”. He is either friendly and then not talk at all or tailgates her in the parking lot. She tells her parents the nickname — the first thing they hear about this guy.

But he always is in the back of her mind. He remains, well, intimidated. She is in the dorm clique. She is never by herself.

Summer of 2007 — both are in an Osco summer internship for pharm students. Of the 52 in the program, there are only 5 or 6 from their school. He sees her sit in the front row. He normally sits in the back. This time, he sits in the front row — next to her.

The end-of-the-summer mandatory social, with the bosses, is to go to a White Sox game. It’s a Tuesday evening. She does not like driving into the city. Her dad likes the idea even less. But it’s mandatory. For 3 weeks, she drops hints for him to take her. “I could go with a weird guy instead,” she says. “Oh, I can take you,” he replies. At last!

He picks her up — NOT at her house but at a hotel parking lot in Oak Brook. He does not want to be too forward — maybe she does not want him to know  where she lives.

Two months later, they see each other at school for the first time in months. She invites him to a bridesmaid’s birthday party. They talk every evening on the phone after that. A few weeks later is their first kiss. They’ve been dating ever since.

He played hard-to-get for 3 years — without even knowing it!

++++++++++

How did Ryan propose to Becca?

They talked about rings but she would NOT go and look at them. Though she DID leave a magazine open circled with rings she likes. She knew he took 2 weeks off for vacation in October 2009 — you know, like now. She hopes the proposal would be on her birthday.

He gives her jewelry as her birthday gift — which she likes — but no ring. She is crushed — and he knows it.

The next weekend off together is the matron of honor’s wedding. He does not want to her thunder from her Saturday evening wedding. The next morning, well, let’s just say that Becca had celebrated a lot the night before. He insists on going to a pumpkin patch. “Don’t you want to watch the Bears game?” she asks. “No, we really want to get pumpkins before Halloween.” She remains clueless. She thinks, “I’m not getting out of this one.”

They go to Bengston’s Pumpkin Farm in Homer Glen. It had become a lot more commercialized than he remembers — but, then, he had not been there since he was a kid. There is a petting zoo. It’s a 30 minute wait in line for the corn-on-the-cob, which she really wanted.

They go on a hayride to go to where they can pick out pumpkins. She still suspects nothing. Figures she might as well enjoy the outing. She suggests different pumpkins. He’s trying to get her away from the crowd. She would NOT go.

He gets down on one knee — as if he is inspecting a pumpkin. “What are you doing?” she asks. “Yeah, that one is fine.” He turns, still on one knee, with the ring in his hand. BEFORE he can say anything, she sees the ring — and starts crying and yelling. Everyone around applauds. Ryan still has not SAID anything yet.

“I love you with all of my heart. Will you marry me?” She gets a “Yes” out through the tears. They did buy that pumpkin.

I told this story to 150 guests — who loved it — at the historic Hotel Baker in St. Charles. The Rainbow Room, with the lighted floor, was stunning.

Fall Colors (part 2)

The patio at Aurelio’s Pizza in Addison. Too cool to sit on the patio — even with the outdoor fireplace. But it’s a great view looking out the window.

Cupcakes (instead of a Wedding Cake)

An increasing trend, one I like, is to have cupcakes for the dessert at the wedding reception — instead of cake.

Sometimes, the couple will have a really small cake — just to be able to cut it and feed it to each other. See it at the top of this tower? But most often, it’s just cupcakes.

You can do so many more flavors. (My wife said I could choose any flavor for our wedding cake — as long as it was a white cake :>) This presents so many more color combinations. The groom wore a gold colored vest and tie. The cupcakes matched the theme. (Brides, wearing white, don’t have many options, color-wise.)

This couple got married last weekend on the top (open) deck on the Odyssey Boat at Navy Pier. It is, likely, my last outdoor wedding of the year. Considering that it was lower 50′s and windy (but no rain), that’s fine by me and most guests.

Brides Can Be Cheap, but Not Tacky (CNN, Oprah.com)

“Planning the celebration of a lifetime during the biggest financial crisis since the Great Depression is a daunting task, so it’s no secret that many brides are cutting back. The average amount a couple is spending on their wedding this year is down more than $5,000 from 2008, theweddingreport.com estimates,” according to a report on CNN/Oprah.com

According to the article, some budget wedding errors:

• cash bar (or tickets) — limit the choices not the amount.
• asking guests to help pay for wedding costs on the registry
• inviting guests to the shower but not the wedding

According to the article, some budget wedding ideas that work:

• serve lunch portion size (and price) at dinner
• make-your-own-sundae bar instead of cake (couple has the “first scoop”)
• Choose an off night or get married in the off-season. Any day other than Saturday can be negotiated for lower costs. Same thing goes for months like January and February when venues have less demand.

Your guests are there to celebrate you and your love — not just for a party. Be creative. Be thrifty. And make the ceremony special — that is the point of the day, after all.

Planning for Rain at Your Outdoor Wedding

If you plan an outdoor wedding, “you always have to think it might rain,” says Darcy Miller, the editorial director of Martha Stewart Weddings. And now that everyone follows the forecast 24/7 on cellphones and computers, it’s hard not to worry about the chance of a few sprinkles, if not an unexpected downpour, she said.

“And that means not only planning for bad weather but more importantly figuring bad weather into your budget,” Ms. Miller said.

The New York Times did a story about how to prepare — clear umbrellas for the bridal party ($25), black umbrellas for guests ($17),  plastic covers for high heels and more.  Read the whole article here.

I insist every couple have an indoor alternative, in case of bad weather. These are some clever ideas of how to get married outside — even if it rains!

Rain on Your Wedding Means $$ (in Slovakia)

Last weekend, I married a couple — Ivana and Pavel — who are from Slovakia. We have a saying that when it rains on your wedding day, it’s good  luck. In the country of their birth, it means financial blessing — like money raining down!

The groom said that it originated because, in the old days,  everyone was very poor and needed money.

The version here — that it’s good luck — seems to me just to be a way to help brides and groom’s not be quite so disappointed at the weather.

Two other differences:

• there were a lot of children at the ceremony (and the reception)
• guests presented flowers to the couple after their wedding. They gave the bride a kiss on each cheek.

Ivana and Pavel got married on a cool, cloudy afternoon with no rain. They got married at Maya Del Sol in Oak Park. It was too cool to use their beautiful patio.

Fall colors (part 1)

As I was driving last weekend, there was road construction (surprise, surprise.) I took a side street and saw this beautiful fall display at a house on a corner:

I literally stopped the car, took the photo with my new iPhone and soaked up the creativity and beauty.

So often, I’m only concerned with getting to my destination, forgetting to enjoy the trip. This time of year, God’s handiwork is so evident in the beautiful leaves. Enjoy!

Ask Amy: Gift Bags for Guests Not Necessary

A recent column by the Chicago Tribune’s advice columnist, Ask Amy

Dear Amy: Where did this tradition of the bride and groom giving guests “gifts” at a wedding come from? I personally think it is totally unnecessary and a waste of money. These days, most weddings have a fairly tight budget.

When my great-niece got married a year ago, I told her that I had no need of a gift from the bride and groom.

I don’t need any trinkets, and if I want a piece of candy I’ll go buy a really good piece of dark chocolate.

She took my advice, and I somehow doubt anyone thought any less of her for not offering these “gifts.”

I think a word from you that it is OK to not give these wedding “gifts” would save brides a lot of money and the time spent making and/or decorating the containers they are given in.

– Linda

Dear Linda: Like you, I am flummoxed by the practice of giving “goodie bags” to all guests at a wedding.

Wedding guests should leave a wedding reception satisfied by a nice meal, laughing at the memory of Uncle Vinnie doing the Macarena and touched by the knowledge that they were asked to celebrate the start of a new family. Wedding guests don’t need gifts.

I assume this fad has been fueled by a generation of kids who were raised by well-meaning parents who thought that birthdays had to be celebrated by giving goodie bags to every party guest.

Then the wedding industry grabbed this unique opportunity, manufacturing all sorts of trinkets and monogrammed sweets, along with special bags to put them in, and telling brides and grooms that these gifts are an important part of their celebration.

I can only hope that the downturn in the economy forces marrying couples to be more sensible — to focus on the core of their wedding celebration, which is the part where they get married, surrounded by the important people in their lives.

The best gift couples can give their guests is to marry well and start their new life with joy.

I agree with Amy — giving gifts to your guests is NOT necessary. OK, I’ve had my share of them — mini photo frames, coffee scoops and many kinds of candy. (Actually, that’s my favorite kind.) No one will think less of you if you don’t give gifts. So, IMHO, save the time and money.

If the Ring is in the Bag, She Will Kill Him

How did Mary-Beth and Scott meet?

It was September of 2007 on Match. He had been on it for 3 months. She had been on it for a couple of weeks. SHE finds him — and sends him an e-mail. He saw Mary-Beth’s photo and thought “She is beautiful”. He starts flirting. She is excited to get his e-mail.

They e-mail back and forth for 2 weeks. She wonders, “When is this guy going to ask me out?” So, SHE says, “Let’s meet.” Then he sounds excited.

They plan to meet at Redstone in Oakbrook Terrace. She leaves on time. She has MapQuest directions — which sends her the wrong way. She has a GPS in her car — but it does not recognize new addresses  and this is a fairly new restaurant.

He gets there 15 minutes early. She gets there an hour late. She wonders if he will still be there when she gets there. She calls when she gets there and uses valet. He is still there — and comes out to open her door. He sees her GPS and thinks, “What the…?”

His 1^st impression — she is gorgeous. Her 1^st impression — he’s so cute, phew!

They are both so nervous, neither one touches the appetizer. He tells her a long, drawn out dirty joke. She does NOT get it. They talk for a few hours. The date ends — with a  peck on her lips.

Their second date comes THREE weeks later. They go to Wildfire. The evening ends with a kiss. He thinks, “I’m sold.” Her crush is confirmed. They both know.

They have been dating ever since.

How did Scott propose to Mary-Beth?

She knows the proposal is coming —but not when. She did not know if he had bought the ring, yet. She figures it will be Valentine’s Day 2009 or her birthday — a few days later.

He is planning a weekend in Chicago. Since she is the one who normally plans things, it raises her suspicions.

They take the Metra to Chicago. He puts the ring in his overnight bag — the box is too big for his pocket. He puts the bag (with the ring in it) in the overhead bin — a good distance away. He sits down and is about ready to go to sleep. She figures the ring is in the bag. She thinks, “If the ring is in there, I’ll kill him.” He knows what she is thinking. He gets the bag and puts it on the floor between his legs.

They check into the Sofitel Hotel in Chicago. She puts her jewelry and money in the safe. She says, “Do you have anything to put in the safe?” He replies, “No.” “Are you sure?” He starts to sweat. He thinks, “If I leave it in the room…”

He puts the ring box in his pants pocket. It pokes him the whole time.

She wants to know if he has the ring. She is fishing for information. If he does, she wants it in the safe.

They go to the Aon Building — used to be called the IBM Building. They go to the 83^rd floor, the top. They go into a room next to the room with the event. The windows face southwest, over the city. “Look!” she says and drags him over to the view. No one else is in the room. She says, “It feels like we’re on top of the world.” That is what HE WAS GOING TO SAY. She sets it up perfectly.

He says, in prepared remarks, “That’s what I feel like when I’m with you — on top of the world.” She is still looking at the view. She turns around — and sees him on one knee. He opens the ring box. “Will you marry me?” She says, “Yes!” They both are shaking and nervous.

This amazing story was told by me on the patio at White Eagle Golf Club in Naperville. The couple e-mailed me after the wedding that “it was awesome and we received several comments regarding your work and how great the story was.”

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