Best Men, Maids/Matrons of Honor, feeling pressure abour your toast? YouTube just raised the bar — and that is probably not a good thing.
The New York Times recently did a story that opens:
WEDDING toasts can be witty or raunchy. They can be shouted, mumbled or slurred. They can make guests laugh, cry or yawn. But in a video democracy in which guests are often armed with sophisticated cameras, toasts are becoming more like scripted performances.
I think a good toast is a story about the bride or the groom — something funny and/or warm but not too over the top. Nothing sexual. A story from when they were younger often works well. Follow that with your best wishes for the couple — be specific. Then be sure to actually propose a toast — all the guests have a champagne glass in their hand.
You can write it out (I use a script for the wedding ceremony). If it’s more than one page, staple it together. That way, if you accidentally drop it, it stays in the right order.
A one minute toast is sufficient. It’s about being genuine — not doing show tunes, dance routines or being a comic. Leave the YouTube videos to others — be yourself. There is a reason you were chosen to be the Maid/Matron of Honor or Best Man. Let that love show through.
You can read the entire New York Times article, with links.
OK, I know, you’re not married yet (not until I say so :>) But this is worth pondering.
While it’s good to focus on financial conversations to have before getting married what about the wrenching financial issues that come up years or decades into the marriage that you never could have anticipated?
“You may find yourselves with an aging relative thousands of miles away who needs your care and support while you’re trying to put one of your own kids through college,” read a comment on nytimes.com from Leslie. “Tough to plan for that one, especially if the aging relative refuses to talk about their own finances ahead of time.”
Any situation like this can strain a marriage to the breaking point. You can either disengage and get divorced or re-engage, said Sandra Wang, a Morgan Stanley Smith Barney financial adviser who is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified divorce financial analyst.
Sarah Wang, financial adviser
In part 2 of his series, Ron Lieber in his Your Money column in the New York Times writes about “five of the financial issues that are most likely to cause strife and a few ideas about how to work them out.”
- REDUCED CIRCUMSTANCES
- YOUR MISTAKES
- YOUR PARENTS
- YOUR CHILDREN
- YOUR UNCERTAINTY
Read the entire article.
Go to my blog on part 1 of this series — 4 Financial Issues Every Engaged Couple Ought to Talk About.
Sandy & Jim’s wedding this weekend was where the Obamas had their wedding reception 17 years ago — at the South Shore Cultural Center. It’s a gorgeous building, rebuilt in 1916, overlooking the lake. It is located a bit south of the Museum of Science & Industry. It is owned by the Chicago Park District — so anyone can rent it. There is even free parking!
You just can’t afford to build them like this anymore — very high ceilings with artwork on it, floor-to-ceiling windows with the biggest “bride’s room” (a former library) you will ever see.
The windows go all the way to the floor — and can be raised! So, you can be indoors but have the outside weather. That’s getting the best of both worlds.
The view of Lake Michigan is wonderful. The ceremony was at 5:00pm on a Saturday — so the sun had set. It was, unfortunately, completely dark by the end of the ceremony. The rehearsal was on Friday at 1:00pm — so the views was terrific. Think about that when planning your wedding there. Can’t believe I have never done a wedding there before.
The Obamas were not married there. They were married on October 18, 1992 by the (in)famous Rev. Jeremiah Wright at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.
Sandy & Jim’s wedding went wonderfully well. Everyone enjoyed their story — laughing at all the right parts. A sister of the bride and groom each did a reading.
The matron of honor (and bride’s sister) started tearing up when the string trio (Celebration Strings) started playing “I Will Remember You.” That got the bride, Sandy, in tears. The sisters start to laugh so they won’t cry. The groom, Jim, is prepared with Kleenex. He holds Sandy’s flowers so she can pass Kleenex to her sister and wipe her eyes. It was all very touching.
Jim and Sandy’s reception was aboard Odyssey Cruise at Navy Pier. It was the first time I have been at a reception onboard without first having married the couple on the top deck of the boat. (They were married where the Obamas had their reception; read about it here.)
You never know what the weather will be when you plan a wedding — the three of us had met 18 months earlier. You hope for the best and plan for the worst.
At 10:30pm, on Saturday, Nov. 7, my wife, Pam, and I were comfortably on the top deck of the boat — outside — enjoying the magnificent views. In fact, the weather was better than it was at the end of August when the company my wife works for had their dinner boat cruise! She wore a winter coat that evening with gloves. (Unfortunately, I could not attend, I was officiating a wedding at Salvatore’s in Lincoln Park.)
Back to our cruise: to the east was an almost ‘magical’ view I have never seen before — the half moon was low in the sky, there was a bit of fog with the light of the moon reflected in the calm water. To the west was the magnificent skyline of Chicago — clear and impressive. We could see some of the stars overhead. It was the perfect ending for a wonderful reception — started with lobster bisque soup, ended with a moist and creamy chocolate cake followed by a chocolate fountain with wine and dancing (the couple did an outstanding first dance; I don’t dance much, to Pam’s regret).
I have done a number of Halloween weddings. Typically, people come to the wedding dressed “normally” but the reception is a Halloween party. One bride had a French manicure — but with orange instead of white tips.
Last weekend, on October 31, I had what may be the ultimate Halloween wedding. For starters, it was at a cemetery in Chicago! That is a first for me. The ceremony was in the cemetery’s chapel — which has crypts on either side. The oldest were people born in 1875. So, there were dead people, in a way, attending the wedding.
There was standing room only — the couple was surprised and amazed at how many people came out for the ceremony. It helps that Halloween was on a Saturday.
75% of the guests dressed up in costumes — at the wedding! The father of the bride was Dracula — and walked his daughter down the aisle that way. (The bride was dressed normally; the groom was in a 50′s white suit.) The ring bearer was a 3 year old boy holding a silver tray with a severed hand with two rings on it (no, not the real ones.) The werewolf was there, so was Spiderman and a lot of other nifty costumes.
The ceremony was otherwise dignified, touching and sincere.
My favorite part of Halloween is the (free) candy. We gave out mini-Snickers this year. Costume parties are fun. I dressed up as a pumpkin at our neighborhood Halloween party last year (orange shirt, orange face paint, pumpkin top hat). As a minister, I think people are too casual in their depiction of evil. I do believe in a real devil and a real heaven and hell.
I will post photos from the wedding as soon as I can get them from the professional photographer at Edward Fox.
Brides, will you take his name or not?
“I never understood why, from the perspective of fighting the patriarchy, it was somehow more liberated to bear your father’s name than your husband’s, especially since you choose your husband and inherit your father,” writes Nancy Gibbs in Time magazine.
I had never thought of it quite that way.
Most brides that I marry do take the last name of their husband — but not all. When you do not, I recommend that you let me introduce you as “Mike and Sue, as they begin their new life as husband and wife.” That is, just use your first names.
When the bride is taking the groom’s name, my introduction should only have one AND in it. So, it’s “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” or “Mike and Sue Smith” or even “Mr. and Mrs. Mike Smith.” But I would not recommend “Mr. and Mrs. Mike and Sue Smith” — too many AND’s.
When we were engaged 26 years ago, my wife asked me to consider taking her maiden name (Shaw) as mine. I thought about it. It’s a good name. We decided to do the traditional thing — she took my last name.
Best Man, Maid/Matron of Honor, Reception | Rev. Phil Landers | 
November 24, 2009 7:35 AM | 
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