Wish Upon a Wedding — Weddings for People with Life Threatening Illness

I am now a part of Wish Upon a Wedding — the only national not-for-profit wish granting organization for weddings. It’s a new organization, started in January. Couples where one person is facing a life-threatening illness can request a wedding.

After a wish is granted, a lot of really high quality Chicago area professionals will volunteer their services to do a fairly quick but remarkable wedding. I am the second officiant in the Chicago group.  We are necessary. No one is married until I say so, my favorite part :>)

Couples, consider donating to this cause instead of party favors. And then tell your guests that is what you are doing.

See a video of the first couple, Beth and Nick, who will benefit from the Chicago chapter’s generosity. (I’m not officiating this one. I was not a part of the group when this was set up.)

Know someone who has this as their wish? Have them apply online.

Get more information on the Chicago page of Wish Upon a Wedding. The president is the wonderful Ali Phillips.

I Love Weekday Weddings

I love weekday weddings — defined as a wedding on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday (that is not a major holiday).

This week, on St. Patrick’s Day — a Wednesday — I married a couple at the bride’s mom’s  home in Chicago. They are both Irish. It’s an anniversary he can’t forget! The best man was the bride’s 6 year old son. The ring bearer — holding the real rings on top of the pillow — was the bride’s 4 year old son. The couple were high school sweethearts now, many years later, reunited. The groom’s mom said afterward that she had been waiting 20 years for this! The wedding cake was unbelievable — a rich, creamy white chocolate mousse cake from Rosewood Restaurant. I’ve married a couple there. I’ve eaten there several times. I never had this — which I’m told is on the menu. 15 friends and family were there.

In January, I married a couple on a Wednesday in the afternoon on the Ledge at the Willis Tower (in my mind, it’s still the Sears Tower) Skydeck. We could only do the wedding on the Ledge because it was such an off-peak time. That was amazing. Read the blog entry about that ceremony.

Last year, I was fortunate enough to marry couples on a:

• Monday on Kanan Cruises at Navy Pier
• Monday on Spirit of Chicago boat at Navy Pier
• Tuesday at the Main Beach at Crystal Lake
• Thursday at Meson Sabika in Naperville
• Wednesday at a home in Schaumburg
• Thursday at Volo Restaurant & Wine Bar in Chicago

You will have great availability for the location of your choice it’s on a weekday. I will be available (though the Volo Restaurant & Bar almost conflicted with a rehearsal already scheduled.) And you will get a discount (even with me.)

The number of guests tends to be smaller. But that can often be good. It certainly is less expensive.

Everyone, it seems, wants a Saturday at 5:00pm wedding. Consider an alternative. Consider a weekday.

“Chicago Brides Shop Smart…”

Wedding costs have gone down 5% last year according to The Knot, according to an article called “Chicago Brides Shop Smart but Keep Wedding Industry Buzzing”.

Carley Roney, editor in chief of The Knot Inc., said in a press release, “Approximately one-third of brides who had a wedding in 2009 said the economy had impacted their overall weddings.”

Roney added that brides were “thoughtfully cutting back” while planning their dream weddings.

Brides have to choose what’s most important to them.

Brides have been cutting back while keeping their “hot-button” items on top of their priority list, said Jessica McLean, sales consultant at Blue Plate, a catering and event management company. “One bride I worked with needed a fabulous couture gown, but was happy with simple candles rather than full floral center pieces. Another eschewed upgraded linens so that she could include a fabulous sweets table,” she said.

That’s true even in good times, yet alone during this economy.

I hope (OK, I admit, selfishly) that couples will realize that the ceremony is the part of the wedding day that matters the most, will be the thing they remember in 10 or 20 years. (Who can recall what the food was at a wedding 20 years ago? Or what flowers they had? Or what songs were played?) Weddings do not have to be boring. By my telling the couple’s story, it never is.

What is THE most important thing for you? What’s YOUR hot button item? Comment below.

She Recruits for Him at Work. She Decides to Recruit Him!

So, how did Meghan and Sean’s love story begin?

It was February 2007. He was a manager based in Indianapolis. She was a recruiter in Westmont for the same company. She filled positions he needed filled at branches in the 4 branches he oversaw.

They talked on the phone for months — it was strictly business — for HIM. She decided she wanted to recruit him. She loved his sense of humor.

She goes to the security office and has the security administrator show her his ID picture. Her 1^st impression — he’s cute — in spite of the fact that the photo looked like a mug shot.

February 2008 — their first meeting is in Westmont. He is working at the branch office. The person at the branch office convinces him to go to the corporate office, 5 blocks away. She had set it up to meet him! He is annoyed — he is busy and not sure why he is going to the corporate office. He introduces himself to her. He says, “Hi”, gets a phone call on his cell phone — and walks away.

HIS 1^st impression — he put a face to a person. There was no more interaction that day.

A few days later, she asks, on a conference call, for his help at a job fair — on a weekend. She does NOT need his help — just wants him there. “No, I’m going home for the weekend,” he says. She is disappointed.

The following week, the Stalker invites him to the auto show and offers to show him around Chicago. He declines — to take care of his cat at home. She thinks he has no interest in her.

She has a bamboo plant on her desk. She would talk about it on the phone with him. She says she will buy one for him the next time he comes up. He FINALLY puts 2 and 2 together. He gets the hint. He gives her his cell phone number. “If you want to call me outside of work, call me.” The next day, she sends him a text message. She is too nervous to call him. She does not know what to say.

They start talking more and more outside of work — 3 hour conversations, for a month. They set up a time to meet. He drives to Westmont from Indianapolis on a Friday. They do not have a first date, they are going to have a first WEEKEND.

She does NOT get him a bamboo plant.

It goes well — for 90 minutes. She goes home. 3 hours go by. He calls her, “Should I just go home?” “No,” she says, “I’m coming back.” They have been dating ever since — he came from Indy to Chicagoland every weekend.

I told this story last weekend at Meghan and Sean’s wedding at the historic Old Stone Church in Lemont. There was much laughter — especially when I called the bride a Stalker (with her permission.)

At their reception at Ruffled Feathers Country Club, also in Lemont, they gave every guest a bamboo plant. That would not have made sense without me telling their story at their wedding. But what a neat synergy between their ceremony and their reception!

By the way, the church is open to anyone to get married in. It’s owned by the Lemont Historical Society.

Wedding Gifts — $$ vs. Registry

From the New York Times “Social Q’s” column on Sunday:

My daughter is getting married. Rather than receive lots of stuff they don’t need, she and her fiancé would prefer the money go toward a down payment on a home. Apparently, some Web sites facilitate this. But the idea feels too “ka-ching” to me — even if the couple say gifts are not necessary. What do you think?

Marian, Philadelphia

I’m afraid the S. S. Gift Me has long-since sailed on using the Web to buy and send wedding presents. Happens every day — and why shouldn’t it? As much as I love your quaint notion that a wedding’s soundtrack be something other than “ka-ching,” neither you nor I (not even Cher) can turn back time.

Still, you raise an interesting question: Is there a difference between asking for a Steuben figurine in the shape of a napping cat or asking for $120 toward a down payment on a house?

I don’t think so. Registries are merely suggestions; we’re not obliged to select from them. Indeed, the gift itself is voluntary — though many couples seem to take them as their birthright.

So, as sad as Tiffany & Company may be to hear it, I’d happily receive an invitation that reminded me that gifting is my prerogative, but if I choose to give, the bride and groom would sensibly prefer a dollar toward their dream, rather than some silly knickknacks that will only gather dust until their (future) children break it in a rousing game of laser tag.

I don’t know of anyone who goes to a wedding without a gift. But it’s still that — a gift. To me, gift registries for a down payment on a house or for an experience on the honeymoon seem as valid as asking for some thing from Crate & Barrel.

Have everything you need already (especially if it’s not your first wedding)? Do a gift registry for charity! Let people donate to your favorite cause(s).

Wedding Movie: Jump a Broom or Eat Goat?

There’s a new wedding movie out on Friday with a twist.

“Wedding films are always about the differences between people,” Rick Famuyiwa, the movie’s director, said. “But they haven’t quite dealt with African-Americans and Latinos.”

The film funnels that idea through another wedding-movie staple: the grumbling dad. The father of the bride (Mr. Mencia) and the father of the groom (Mr. Whitaker) have a random run-in before meeting through their kids: Mr. Mencia’s character, who owns an auto shop, tows the car belonging to Mr. Whitaker’s character from a no-parking zone. The incident sparks hostility that manifests itself throughout the film with ethnic digs.

Few similar films explore the personal lives of the bride’s or groom’s parents, but Mr. Famuyiwa makes time to plumb the state of both fathers’ romantic relationships. And while most wedding movies orbit around the bride, Ms. Ferrera’s Lucia hardly hogs the spotlight, partly because “her wedding isn’t the most important thing in her life,” as Ms. Ferrera said.

I have learned a lot doing different ethnic customs at weddings — lazzo (rope in figure eight) around the couple, coins, crowns, breaking of the glass and more. As long as it does not violate my Christian faith — and so far it never has — I’m happy to participate and have the family’s heritage expressed at the wedding. After all, weddings are the merger of two families, not just two individuals

I’ll wait for the reviews for “Our Family Wedding.” But I hope they’re good. I’m a sucker for a wedding movie. (But the officiant is rarely shown yet alone a full-fledged character.)

Read the entire New York Times article here.

Would You Get Your Hair Done at a Hardware Store?

From a blog by David Rothstein of David Rothstein Music, Inc. (the bolding is mine):

If you injured your shoulder would you go to your mechanic?

If you needed to get your hair done would you go to a hardware store?

If you needed to have your computer fixed would you call your dentist?

Then why would you consider having your uncle do the video for your wedding?

This applies to ALL your wedding vendors.

There’s a reason why wedding vendors are considered professionals. Each of them has spent years developing their skills to become experts at what they do. They have invested thousands of dollars purchasing the highest quality equipment available. Each one of them is dedicated to their craft.

I realize having your uncle shoot video for free seems like a great way to save money. He’s a great guy and you know how much you love your favorite uncle. Plus, it’s such a nice gesture from him.

Now, imagine the wedding is over and you’re excited to see the video. Unfortunately, the battery wasn’t charged up for your first dance, the lighting was too low to make out people’s faces and the audio was cutting out during your dad’s touching toast. Then, he missed that special dance with all your girlfriends since he was busy catching up with your brother about his new job.

How are you going to feel when you get this video back? How is your relationship going to be with your dear uncle? 10 years later when your family is gathered for Thanksgiving and they start talking about your wedding, how awkward will it be when someone asks about the video? Will you remember how much money you saved? Probably not. What you’ll remember is your regret about not spending the money to hire a professional.

Here’s the solution:

Let your friends and relatives be your guests at the wedding. Hire the very best professionals you can afford. They will give you the best results every time.

Take your bad shoulder to your doctor.

Get your hair done at your favorite salon.

Call your IT guy to fix your computer.

Hiring professionals is expensive, but NOT hiring them is far more expensive.

It is legal to have your uncle “get ordained” online. But does he know anything about how to plan a wedding, lead a rehearsal, deal with situations that come up or speak well in public? Well, he probably does the last one — that’s one reason you considered asking him.

Not infrequently, I am asked at the end of the wedding, “Are you the bride’s minister or the groom’s?” I explain that I’m a full time wedding minister. This is best summed up by Bonnie & Bob, whom I married at Martinique Banquets in Burbank. They commented,  “Everyone asked if you were a ‘friend of the family’.  We both responded that all of the time you spent on the phone, e-mails, and in person at the wedding certainly made you a cherished part of our family now. We couldn’t have been happier.” Isn’t that what you want to say at the end of your wedding day? “We couldn’t have been happier.”

Engaged at 17. How to Tell Mom Wedding is in 6 Weeks.

Last weekend, I told this story at Rebecca and Aaron’s wedding with over 100 guests at Chateau Bu’sche in Alsip. (No, the bride is NOT pregnant.)

How did Aaron propose to Rebecca?

She has no idea it’s coming.

December 19, 2009 — two months ago — they are at O’Hare airport. He is about to go to Texas for tech school for the Air Force. She has a pass that allows her to walk him to the gate.

They announce that his plane is boarding. Other passengers are boarding.

He is not on one knee with no ring, he says, “Baby, marry me.” It is more of a statement than a question. Right away, she says, “Yes.” They kiss.

He waits until everyone else has boarded — and then he gets on the airplane.

Now, she has to tell her mom.

She waits for a few weeks — January 9 at Uncle Joe’s house. Pam [the bride's mom] has a few Bacardi Limóns. Strategically, this is the moment Rebecca has been waiting for.

Not only does she tell her she’s engaged but that the wedding would be in 6 weeks — for that is when Aaron’s leave is. And he does not get much of it.

Pam is upset because she is so young — Rebecca turned 18 yesterday. But she will support her daughter, wants her to be happy. Pam knows she is serious about the engagement — but joking around about the date.

The next day, she realizes Rebecca is serious about the date, too. And here we are, 6 weeks later!

The audience awww’d and roared laughing. The bride’s mother, Pam, knew I was telling this  story.

Does Living Together Make it More or Less Likely You Will Stay Married?

Question: does living together make it more or less likely you will stay married? According to a new study, the answer is…

Couples who live together before they get married are less likely to stay married, a new study has found. But their chances improve if they were already engaged when they began living together.

The likelihood that a marriage would last for a decade or more decreased by six percentage points if the couple had cohabited first, the study found.

But you probably don’t believe it.

“From the perspective of many young adults, marrying without living together first seems quite foolish,” said Prof. Pamela J. Smock, a research professor at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. “Just because some academic studies have shown that living together may increase the chance of divorce somewhat, young adults themselves don’t believe that.”

About the study.

The study of men and women ages 15 to 44 was done by the National Center for Health Statistics using data from the National Survey of Family Growth conducted in 2002. The authors define cohabitation as people who live with a sexual partner of the opposite sex.

Read the full article in the New York Times.

98% of couples I marry at hotels, banquet halls, country clubs, boats, homes, etc. live together.

My wife and I did not live together before we got married. We’ve been married for 25 years.  I will say, we were just out of college when we got married. It was not as common back then as it is today.

The Bible — God’s very words to us — gives the same wisdom as the study shows. Sex is for marriage. But once married, sex is to be enjoyed often! (Yes, that’s in the Bible! Check out 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verses 3-5)

I will continue to happily marry couples who live together. I respect that it’s their choice. And I am glad they are getting married.